at this very poignant time, we might have our bases covered in the physical needs, but find our selves in the dark about the spiritual aspects. i want to provide a service for those of you who are stepping over this threshold yourselves: that is, the one where you become an attendant to the one dying. it is a sacred charge. one that can both help the soul that is passing over immensely, and at the same time be a huge growth for yours, for greater living.
“spiritual” can often mean to many, psychological, and i want to address this arena briefly first. in this arena, we attend to things like: clearing the loved one’s mind. do they carry regret? remorse? unfinished apologies? to the degree you are able to support the person to look into these questions, with the most gentle approach possible, this would be wonderful. for some people, approaching these concepts might ignite more pain…each case is different. but, consider ways and approaches to guide your loved one through these questions and where at all possible, do “finish” the unfinished business. forgiveness for oneself and others goes hand-in-hand with the first point. again, the goal is to guide this gently, considering what works and is accessible to the person you are assisting. in general, if a person is ready for a big change in themselves just before death, it will be very obvious and they will take the lead in this, even if it just involves a very special phone call. other than in those instances, we should assume that presenting a possible “big change” to a person who is facing death, could be invasive or disturbing to the very peace we want to encourage. so, again, addressing regret, remorse, apologies and forgiveness, while important, needs to be a gift we provide, gently, and creatively so that the most peaceful and effective outcome is possible.
now, when i refer to “spiritual” , i do not mean the points of the above paragraph. i do mean, the actual shape of the soul, its journey and the other worlds that it will now dwell in. the purpose of midwifing the end of life is to free the soul most peaceful and completely from its dwelling in matter, this body, it has inhabited for the years it did. in this way, the soul is having a “birthing” into a new realm. in my perfect world, all would have a midwife. still, there are things i can suggest to any sensitive person which will support this soul’s journey well.
1. do address the psychological (para. 1) if at all possible. it helps “make room” for the soul to travel easier and to vaster places
2. use all appropriate and honest methods to relieve fear, if it is present. fear can very much inhibit a soul’s travel, maybe even delay it from short to very long periods and result in a soul transition getting “stuck”
3. create sacred space. induce a calm and beautiful environment. think about: how many people and how people are around, visiting, in/out of the space; lighting/candles; other elements: like water – washing, or the sound of water; think about sounds: music, nature sounds, song; think about smells: flowers, inscence, fragrant natural oils.
4. pray or meditate. however you do that. near to the loved one who is passing is great, but not necessary. focus on the freedom that is being made possible from all personal limitations. focus on forgiveness on their behalf. focus on light as a beacon for them. remember what this person has created and leaves in form on the earth, and focus on gratitude for these forms.
depending on your relation to the one passing, this can be a minor or majorly challenging time. also, it can be a growth time. in addition to my suggestions, use your intuition and follow it. understanding of these passages is deep in our primal nature perhaps more than currently in our culture. approach it as a time to learn, to see new realms and understand more about humanity. i wish you the best. and , do call on me if my end-of-life midwife services can assist you. i can often serve in person, and if not, by phone consult.
